Owning Your Desires Without Shame

When was the last time you paused to ask yourself, What brings me joy? Not the surface-level stuff, but the deep, soul-stirring pleasure that makes you feel alive. For so many of us—especially Black women—pleasure often takes a backseat to responsibilities, societal expectations, and the constant hustle. But what if we reclaimed it?

This week on The Black Women Deserve Podcast, Mercedes and I got real about what it means to own our pleasure. And no, we’re not just talking about sex—though that’s a big part of it. We’re talking about embracing joy in all its forms: the quiet moments of self-love, the unapologetic pursuit of what makes you feel good, and yes, the freedom to explore your body and desires without shame.

Let’s face it, society hasn’t exactly been kind to women when it comes to owning our sexuality. For Black women, it’s even more complicated. A recent study found that nearly 60% of Black women report feeling sexually unfulfilled, often citing a lack of communication, intimacy, or understanding from their partners. It’s a stark reminder of how our pleasure is often deprioritized—not just by others but sometimes by ourselves, as we navigate the weight of expectations placed on us.

Mercedes shared how she’s always been confident in her sexuality, while I reflected on the journey it’s taken to get here—learning to rebuild pleasure from past negative experiences and letting go of the guilt that was never mine to carry. Whether it’s exploring with a partner, getting acquainted with a new toy, or simply taking the time to tune into what your body wants, reclaiming your pleasure is about giving yourself permission to feel.

But this conversation isn’t just about sex. It’s about unlearning the shame that’s been passed down through generations, and embracing the fullness of pleasure in all aspects of our lives. For too long, we’ve been conditioned to feel guilty about wanting more, about desiring joy, or about taking up space in a way that’s unapologetic. We’ve been taught that our bodies, our desires, and our needs are something to be ashamed of—but we’re changing that.

We dove into the power of communication—how open conversations with partners about boundaries, needs, and desires are essential to creating deeper connections. Because pleasure isn’t just about physical connection—it’s about emotional safety, mutual respect, and showing up authentically in every aspect of your relationships.

Reclaiming your pleasure is an act of resistance. It’s a way to push back against the shame, judgment, and societal pressures that try to tell us who we’re allowed to be. It’s about creating space for yourself to grow, explore, and thrive unapologetically.

So, sis, what’s stopping you? Whether it’s starting small by carving out moments of self-care or diving headfirst into exploring what makes you feel good, remember this: Your pleasure is yours to define. Own it. Celebrate it. And don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Catch the latest episode of The Black Women Deserve Podcast for a deeper dive into reclaiming your pleasure and living without shame. 

xoxo,

The Croptop Cutie