Love in the Digital Wild

Alright, so… why am I still on these dating apps? Like, really—why am I here? Swiping through strangers who may or may not have their lives (or intentions) together, just hoping one of them will surprise me? And let’s be real, most of them don’t.

But, girl, what is it about these apps that has me coming back for more? Every time I swear off them, here I am again, scrolling through profiles, trying to convince myself that “this time” is going to be different. Maybe you can relate. Maybe you’ve been there too, trying to find that elusive balance between hope and realism.

If you’ve ever found yourself questioning why it feels like you’re playing a game rigged against you, you’re not alone. This week on The Black Women Deserve Podcast, I sat down with my girl Keiva to unpack our experiences with dating apps, single parenthood, and finding the courage to stay open to love.

First, let’s address the elephant in the room: the stats. Studies show that Black women face unique challenges in the dating world, especially online. According to a 2014 study by OKCupid, Black women receive the fewest messages of any racial group on their platform. A 2024 study published in The Atlantic noted that Black women and men receive fewer likes on platforms like Tinder compared to white users. Additionally, research highlighted in Essence indicates that Black women are sometimes fetishized or excluded based on racial biases within dating app algorithms. Pair that with the fact that successful Black women are the most likely demographic to remain unmarried, and it’s easy to see why so many of us feel like giving up.

Keiva and I both know the struggle. Living in predominantly white areas like Madison, it’s hard enough finding someone who shares your experiences, let alone your values. Add to that the emotional toll of transitioning from a long-term marriage or navigating single parenthood, and dating can feel downright exhausting.

But here’s the thing: We deserve love. Not just any love, but love that uplifts us, respects us, and pours into us the way we pour into others. Keiva reminded me of the importance of being intentional—of knowing what we want and not settling for less. She also emphasized the need for self-care because, let’s be real, dating can be emotionally draining.

So, how do we keep going when the odds feel stacked against us? By shifting the focus inward. Before we can find someone to love us, we have to love ourselves fiercely. That means setting boundaries, prioritizing our emotional well-being, and being okay with starting over as many times as it takes.

If you’ve been feeling discouraged by the dating scene, this episode is for you. Keiva and I share our lessons learned, our hopes for the future, and a few laughs along the way.

Listen to the podcast, and then let me know: What’s one way you’re staying open to love? Let’s keep the conversation going, because sis, we’re in this together.

Check out the latest episode of The Black Women Deserve Podcast now. 

xoxo,

The Croptop Cutie